Some recipes from Romances of the Meal, as performed in Brussels in November 2000 under the sponsorship of Barbara Vanderlinden and Hans Ulrich Obrist.


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Here is the on-line recipe from LaZy, who writes, "Coca-Cola is really good don't you think? I have always been a great fan of the marvelous soft drink 'Coca-Cola'. ... I wouldn't call myself a cola-holic but I have to admit that I'm really restless the days when I'm broke and can't afford to buy one. Well anyway, here is the recipe." He/she avers that s/he had to fight his/her way "through 500 guards" to get this formula:

Coca-cola

28 ml caffeine
28 ml vanilla extract
10 ml orangeoil
10 ml lemonoil
10 ml nutmegoil
10 ml cinnamonoil
10 ml koreanderoil
10 ml nerolioil
224 ml alcohol
112 ml coca extract
84 ml lemonacid
224 ml limejuice
13.62 kg sugar
9.5 l water

Mix the caffeine and the limejuice in 224 ml boiling water.
Add the vanilla extract, the orangeoil, the lemonoil, the nutmegoil, the cinnamonoil, the koreanderoil, and the nerolioil when the mixture has cooled. Wait a couple of minutes and then add the rest of the ingredients and the water. Let the mixture rest for 24 hours.

Should make 10 liters of Coca Cola


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Here is a refreshing drink full of history:

Brazilian Iced Chocolate Coca-Cola¹

12 1/2 pounds unsweetened chocolate
25 cups sugar
13 1/2 gallons coffee, double-strength and hot
16 1/2 gallons milk
10 gallons Coca-Cola, chilled
Whipped cream or vanilla
Ice cream

In the top of double-boilers over hot water, melt chocolate. Stir in sugar. Gradually stir in hot coffee, mixing thoroughly. Add milk; continue cooking until all particles of chocolate are dissolved and mixture is smooth, about 10 minutes.
Pour into jars. Cover and chill. When ready to serve, stir in chilled Coca-Cola.
Serve over ice cubes in tall glasses, topped with whipped cream.
If you want to save this for dessert, add a scoop of vanilla ice cream to each serving. Makes 300 gallons, or 500 servings.
Remember, in this and all recipes, you cannot cook or heat Diet Coke, since its artificial sweetener Nutra-Sweet (chemical name aspartame, product of Monsanto) breaks down and becomes unpalatable when heated.


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Coca-Cola Roast²

100 mad cow roasts (bottom round, lean chuck or other less tender cuts work well)
10 gallons Coca-Cola
100 pkg dry onion soup mix

Place roasts in baking dishes. Sprinkle onion soup mix over roasts. Pour in Coca-Cola. Cover and seal tightly with aluminum foil. Place in 300° F oven and cook until tender. Each 4 pounds of roast will take 3-1/2 to 4 hours.

This is certainly better than McDonald's! A "McDo," or McDonald's shop near Antwerp was destroyed in August of 1999 and several in France were seriously vandalized in a protest against U.S. global culinary dominance. "Culinary sovereignty is imperative, according to Patrice Vidieu, the secretary-general of the Peasant Confederation, the French farmers' movement. "What we reject is the idea that the power of the marketplace becomes the dominant force in all societies, and that multinationals like McDonald's or Monsanto come to impose the foods we eat and the seeds we plant."³


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Exploded Meat⁴

Fill 7,000 pound steel tank with 600 pounds' worth of carcasses or chunks of meat, the equivalent of three steers, boned. Ring with dynamite. Set off dynamite charges internally, about 2 feet from meat, at about 40,000 pounds per square inch. The shock waves tear through muscle protein, evenly tenderizing the meat. Allow three thousandths of a second for the tenderization process. This process has been pioneered by Tenderwave corporation.
This replaces earlier methods of tenderizing meat by chasing the living animals at top speed through the forest for hours until they died of fear or exhaustion, a method formerly in widespread use in Europe but whose ability to tenderize the meat is scientifically unproved.


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Boneless wonder⁵

100 pounds exploded, tenderized flank steak (see instructions)
18-3/4 gallons Coca-Cola
1-1/2 quarts coffee
1/2 gallons tomato paste
10 to 15 medium bulbs garlic
2-1/2 dry pints ground cumin seed
1 gallon, more or less, oil for frying

Heat oil in 50 woks or 25 frying pans. Add exploded meat fragments, cook until browned. Add onions and garlic, cook until onions are soft. Add tomato paste and stir until all is nicely coated. Add coffee and stir until dark, shiny brown color develops. Pour in Coke and add cumin seeds. Cover and simmer 10 minutes. Serves 600.


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Beef stew in tomato-cheese sauce⁶

200 pounds lean stewing beef in pieces (see above)
120 small onions, whole
2/3 bushel celery, chopped
200 large potatoes, cut into eighths
600 carrots, cut into 6-inch pieces
100 slices Wonder white bread, cubed
2-1/2 gallons (20 cans) tomato sauce with cheese
6-1/2 gallons Coca-Cola
3 cups salt
1/4 cup pepper
3 cups dill seed
10 cups grated Parmesan cheese

Combine all ingredients except Parmesan cheese in many large casseroles. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Cover and bake at 250° for 4-1/2 to 5 hours. Do not open oven door during cooking.


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Or perhaps you are looking for some seriously Oriental dish to spice up your life:

Chinese Pepper Beef⁷

150 pounds top round or sirloin steak, boneless
3 quarts oil
10 heads celery, thinly sliced
10 bulbs garlic, minced
25 cups onions, thinly sliced
2 cups salt
3-1/2 gallons Coca-Cola
7 gallons beef broth (bouillon), canned and undiluted
200 medium tomatoes, ripe
1-1/2 gallons Coca-Cola
15 cups cornstarch
1-1/2 quarts soy sauce
100 green bell peppers, cored, seeded, and cut into thin strips
Rice, cooked and hot

Trim fat from meat and cut into pencil-thin strips. In deep skillets or Dutch ovens, heat oil, garlic, and salt. Add meat and brown over high heat, about 10 minutes, stirring occa-sion-ally with fork. Add beef broth. Cover; simmer 15 to 20 minutes or until meat is fork tender. Stir in green pepper strips, celery, onions, and 3-1/2 gallons Coca-Cola. Cover; simmer 5 minutes. Do not overcook; vegetables should be just tender. Peel tomatoes, cut into wedges, gently stir into meat.
Blend cornstarch with the 1-1/2 gallon of Coca-Cola and soy sauce. Stir mixture into meat and cook until sauce thickens, about 1 minute, stirring lightly with forks. Serve over hot rice. Makes 600 (3/4 cup) servings.


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For the adventurous, there is Scotland's BELOVED HAGGIS, the National Dish.⁸
Haggis is both loved and reviled by natives and sometimes horrifies people who hear it described for the first time. You might have a hard time finding a haggis in the States, since the U.S. Department of Agriculture has declared it "unfit for human consumption." But now you can make haggis yourself! (You may remember that BSE contamination, and its double, sheep scrapie, is deemed most likely to be found in organ meats and bone marrow.)

100 sheep's lungs (illegal in the U.S.; omit if unavailable)
100 sheep's stomach
100 sheep hearts
100 sheep livers
50 pounds fresh suet (kidney leaf fat is preferred)
75 cups steel-cut oatmeal
300 onions, finely chopped
2 cups salt
2 cups freshly ground pepper
1 cup cayenne
4 gallons stock

Wash lungs and stomachs well, rub with salt and rinse. Remove membranes and excess fat. Soak in cold, salted water for several hours. Turn stomachs inside out for stuffing. Cover heart and liver with cold water. Bring to boil, reduce heat, cover, and simmer 30 minutes. Chop hearts and coarsely grate livers. Toast oatmeal in skillets, stirring frequently, until golden. Combine ingredients; mix well. Loosely pack mixture into stomachs until about two-thirds full. Remember, oatmeal expands in cooking!
Press any air out of stomachs and truss securely. Put into boiling water to cover. Simmer for 3 hours, uncovered, adding more water as needed. Prick stomachs several times with sharp needle when haggis begins to swell, to prevent bursting.
After being boiled, Haggis is brought to table with great ceremony. Place on hot platters, removing trussing strings. A piper ushers in the Haggis and all raise a glass of Scotch whiskey and "brrreathe a prrayerr for the soul of Rrrobbie Burrrns!" Serve Haggis, sliced, with BSE beef or lamb gravy. Serve with a spoon. Accompany with "neeps, tatties and nips" -- mashed turnips, mashed potatoes, nips of whiskey. Makes 100 haggises, serves untold numbers.


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Chicken in Coca-Cola Sauce⁹

350 to 400 pounds dioxin chicken, cut up
25 cups salt and 5 cups pepper
3 gallons olive oil
12 cups butter or margarine
100 pounds fresh mushrooms, sliced
100 cups chopped spring onions
30 bulbs of garlic, diced very fine
25 to 30 cups flour
11 gallons Coca-Cola
20 gallons chicken broth
4 pounds of fresh parsley
100 bay leaves
4 cups rosemary

Dry chicken with paper towels. Season with salt and pepper. Heat oil and butter in 25 very large cast-iron skillets. Add chicken pieces and cook until golden on one side. Turn and cook other side until golden. Chicken will have to be cooked in batches. Place on separate platters and set aside.
In the same pan, add mushrooms; cook over medium heat until golden. Add onion and garlic and cook, stirring until softened. Sprinkle flour into pan, and cook, while stirring, until a light color (1-2 minutes). Add Coca-Cola, broth, and herbs. Stir to blend. Cook 4-5 minutes. Put sauce into large cooking pots (400-600 quarts) and bring to boil. Add chicken pieces to pot. Cover, reduce heat to simmer, cook for 25-30 minutes or until tender.
Remove chicken from pots, arrange on platters. Skim fat. Discard bay leaves and pour sauce over chicken. Serves 400.


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For a nice bread accompaniment, here is a muffin with a Mexican accent:

Mexican Coca-Cola Muffins¹⁰

50 gallons Coca-Cola, room temperature
1-1/2 tsp. baking powder
9 cups instant coffee
2 cups baking soda
1 gallon unsweetened chocolate cocoa mix
1 cup salt
1-1/2 gallons Kahlua liqueur
5-1/2 gallons pecans, chopped
2 cups vanilla
200 eggs
20 dry gallons plain flour
2 cups butter, melted
100 cups sugar
5 gallons buttermilk

Preheat oven to 350° F. Grease muffin pans. Combine Coca-Cola, instant coffee, and unsweetened chocolate cocoa; whisk to smooth consistency. Mix in Kahlua and vanilla to coffee mixture and set aside. Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and sugar. Stir in pecans.
Whisk together eggs, melted butter and buttermilk. Add to Coca-Cola mixture, blending well. Make a well in dry ingredients and add liquid, stirring quickly and lightly. Spoon batter into greased muffin cups.
Bake about 15 to 20 minutes, or until done. Cool slightly on wire rack. Remove from pan. Makes 180 to 200 muffins. (I found this recipe in Cooking with Coca- Cola, a cookbook compiled for the Third Annual Coca-Cola Days in Atlantic, Iowa, in 1995.)


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Had enough meat? How about a nice salad? This gives a tingle to your tongue when you eat it. Great for kids!

Coke Salad¹¹

200 small packages cherry Jell-O (in total 50 pounds Jell-O)
1-1/2 bushels pecans
7 gallons dark cherries
20 pounds cream cheese
200 cans smelly Coke
7 gallons boiling water
100 small cans crushed pineapple

Warm cream cheese to room temperature, chop finely. Dissolve Jell-O in boiling water, add finely chopped cream cheese. Let cool. Add Coke and cherry juice; mix well and let jell slightly. Add pecans, cherries, and pineapple, mix well. Finish jelling. Do not use chopped pecans or home-canned cherries, or your kids will rename this something disgusting!!!


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Or try this:

Coca-Cola Salad¹²

100 cans Bing cherries
100 cans crushed pineapple (large)
200 large boxes cherry gelatin (Jell-O)
9-1/2 gallons suspicious Coca-Cola
100 cups pecans
50 pounds cream cheese

Boil juices from fruits (plus enough water to make 13 gallons), add Jell-O and stir until dissolved. Add nuts, cherries (chopped), and drained pineapple. Add Coca-Cola. Chill until partially set, then add cream cheese cut into small cubes. Chill overnight.


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L'Entarteur Godin says that the first five seconds after a pie attack can reveal the victim's true character. "Accurately delivered, a cream pie is an uncannily precise barometer of human nature." Film maker Jean-Luc Godard laughed it off and defended Godin from being permanently banished from the Cannes Film Festival. In contrast, Godin's nemesis, philosopher Bernard-Henri Levy, responded to several pieings by punching Godin in the face. Bill Gates stood paralyzed imme-diately after getting plastered, blank and emotionless, "as if bolted to the ground"; Godin expressed disappointment at Gates's lack of any discernible human emotion with a face full of pie. ¹³

Godin's group uses only store-bought, top-quality pies made from fine ingredients, with filling and crust light enough to do no harm. Godin believes a pie should never be thrown: one must press it directly into the face.¹⁴
However, classic pie throwing is not necessarily so scrupulous. Buster Keaton taught pie-throwing technique to Ed Wynn on his television program¹⁵. Following are the different throws used in the silent-movie days, as Buster explained them. (Buster's advice for beginners: "Don't try it in the house."):

• The Walking Thrust. Walk up to the person, push the pie in their face and before you walk away give it a slight twist. This makes the sticky part of the pie cling to the recipient.
  
• The Shot Put. Thrown straight from a distance of three to five feet.
  
• The Ancient Roman Discus Throw. The most beautiful delivery of all. Spin half-way round, turning the pie as you whirl, and then let go, hitting the victim square in the face.
  
• Catcher's Throw to Second Base. The hardest of all. Pull back your arm just as far as it will go, and then bring the pie in all the way from East St. Louis— and let 'er go!

With shots over eight feet, make sure the pie is of the right weight to fly perpendicularly as it leaves your fingers. ¹⁶

Banana Apricot Pie¹⁷

1-1/3 bushels dried apricots, snipped
10 gallons banned Sprite, a Coca-Cola product
150 cups sugar
25 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup salt
300 contaminated egg yolks, slightly beaten
12 cups butter or margarine
200 medium bananas, thinly sliced
100 baked pie shells
meringue

Combine apricots and Sprite. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until tender. In bowl, combine sugar, flour, and salt; stir into apricot mixture. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture is thickened and bubbly. Cook and stir 2 minutes more.
Stir 100 cups of hot mixture into egg yolks and return mixture to pans. Return to gentle boil. Cook and stir 2 minutes.
Stir in butter. Arrange bananas into pie shells and pour apricot mixture on top. Spread meringue over hot filling. Bake in 350° oven 12 to 15 minutes.
Keep warm or allow to cool before throwing.

As Godin and his group GloupGloup proclaim in their Manifesto:L'internationale pâtissière:
entend assassiner par le ridicule toutes les célébrités mondiales se prenant spectaculairement au sérieux. C'est ainsi que, ces dernières années, en France et en Belgique, ont reçu des tartes à la crème en pleine figure bon nombre d'illustres baudruches: la romancière creuse Marguerite Duras, le cinéaste mystique Jean-Luc Godard au festival de Cannes, le philosophe nombrillesque Bernard-Henri Lévy, cinq fois, le chanteur crétinisant Patrick Bruel, le présentateur TV faux-cul number one Patrick Poivre d'Arvor, en plein jogging, le big boss de la télévision d'état somnifère Jean-Pierre Elkabbach, à Roland-Garros, les ministres visqueux Philippe Douste-Blazy et Nicolas Sarkozy, et bien d'autres.

Chaque fois, les terroristes pâtissiers se sont écriés : "Gloup ! Gloup ! Gloup ! Gloup!" et ils ont chanté: "Entartons, entartons les pompeux cornichons!"
En entartant à Bruxelles le 4 février dernier Bill Gates, symbole de la nouvelle arrogance marchande, les guérilleros chantilly ont trompeté en ch¦ur: "Entartons, entartons le polluant pognon!" Ils ont démontré que de joyeux Robin Hood, avec quelques gâteaux, pouvaient ridiculiser les maîtres du monde malgré toutes leurs armées de bodyguards.
Si Bill Gates ne veut pas être entarté par nous une seconde fois avant le printemps, il devra verser un jour de son salaire quotidien, soit 300 millions de FB, au sympathique sous-commandant zapatiste Marcos dans les Chiapas....¹⁸


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1. Recipe from The Internet Chef On-line! (http://www.ichef.com/ichef-recipes/Beverages/2241.html) adapted from International Cooking with Coca-Cola, a give-away pamphlet from The Coca-Cola Company, 1981. All quantities, in this as in all subsequent recipes, have been adjusted, with the assistance of the measurements units converter page (http://www.ur.ru/~sg/transl/).
   
2. Graham, Classic Cooking with Coke, p 45. Quantities have been adjusted. A version was formerly available at http://members.spree.com/sip/priesty64/recipes/dinners.htm.
   
3. New York Times, Aug. 29, 1999.
   
4. In These Times, May 2, 1999.
   
5. Adapted from Graham, Classic Cooking with Coke, op. cit., p 28. Quantities have been adjusted. A version was formerly available at http://members.spree.com/sip/priesty64/recipes/dinners.htm.
   
6. Ibid., p. 44. Quantities have been adjusted.
   
7. Recipe from International Cooking with Coca-Cola, a give-away pamphlet from The Coca-Cola Company, 1981.Also at http://www.ichef.com/ichef-recipes/Beef/13931.html. Quantities adjusted.
   
8. "Our Beloved Haggis", and "The Serving of the Haggis", from Jeff Smith's The Frugal Gourmet on Our Immigrant Ancestors, both http://www.gumbopages.com/food/scottish/haggis.html. Quantities have been adjusted.
   
9. Adapted from Graham, Classic Cooking with Coke, p. 27.
   
10. Adapted from The Secret to Happiness Coca-Cola Recipes Page,.
    
11. Let's Get Cooking!!! with Mamaa (http://www.geocities.com/NapaValley/2950/salads.html#Coke). Quantities adjusted.
    
12. A version of this was posted at Leslie's Coca-Cola Collecting Page link Coca-Cola Dessert Recipes (http://members.spree.com/sip/priesty64/recipes/desserts.htm).
    
13. At various Godin websites .
    
14. "Pie Throwing Anarchist Noel Godin of Brussels" (http://www.mindspring.com/~jaybab/noel.html)--link now apparently unavailable.
    
15. "Keaton's Custard-Pies: The Art of Making and Throwing Them as Told by Buster Keaton" (http://www.geocities.com/~oldbrit/Keatonpies.html)--site may no longer be available.
    
16. Ibid.
    
17. Classic Cooking with Coke, p 151.
    
18. Published on Gloup Gloup website (http://www.gloupgloup.com/manif.htm). |